Leilani, Chris, Candice and Martin's Guide to Reviews
by JasmineTheFangirl
Summary: After being blackmailed, Lailani, Chris, Candice and Martin teach you how to get more reviews- or, how /they/ think to get more reviews. [not meant to offend anyone/more details inside/READ :3]
**I've seen these in other fandoms, so why not do this here?**

 **Note: I'm not saying people do this, but sometimes *I* do, so this is kinda making fun of me, and kinda just some random idea I had. Spock's Rules for Reviews by Christy Tortland and John's Guide to Getting More Reviews by Adi Who is Also Mou** **inspired this. :3**

* * *

I slid down into a seat on the Tortuga. "Hiiii guys!"

"Hey Jasmine," Candice replied.

"Come to ruin my life again?" Leilani asked, laughing.

"No... maybe," I admitted. "How do you feel about fanfiction? Specifically, the Wild Kratts fanfiction archive."

Koki, Jimmy, Aviva and Martin ran off, and they were gone in the next few seconds. I guess _Wild Kratts_ _fanfiction_ scares them.

"I read fanfiction. Why?" Leilani asked, looking up from _The Elite._

"Wait, what?" Chris asked, walking over.

"Wild Kratts fanfiction. You three will be my little helpers." I folded my arms. "And we'll teach people about rules for reviewing."

"Uh... why?" Candice asked, raising an eyebrow.

"None of us are English nerds. You're talking to the wrong people," Leilani added, looking back in her book.

"Yeah, you're also the characters." I smirk. "So let's take a look at what people want reviews for."

"I'm reading," Leilani complained. "Find someone else."

I held up my laptop. "I can make your life miserable."

"You wouldn't dare!" Leilani exclaimed.

Candice laughed, looking over at Chris. "Oh, I think she would, don't you, Chris?"

"Considering that she's crazy and she killed off Leilani once? Uh, yeah," Chris agreed.

"See?" I smiled, setting my computer down and opening it. "Let's _not_ use the happy ending for my latest story for you. Now, what can I do to you within the limits of teen rating?"

"NO!" Leilani screamed, jumping across the table. I simply shut my computer and she jumped over it.

"Also, my parents have computers, and there's a library nearby." I smirked. "Let's see... first, we'll-"

"Fine!" Leilani exclaimed. "Fine."

Candice laughed. "Why us three?"

"She has a point," Chris added.

"Because you were brave enough to stick around." I reply. "Let's see, who else wants a _REALLY HAPPY ENDING FILLED WITH SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS?_ "

"That's pushing it a little with the- nevermind," Chris replied after he saw the look I was giving him. "So... when does this start?"

"Wait for it..." I laughed, looking over at the door.

"Is there chocolate?" Martin asked, popping his head through the door.

I sighed. "Sure. I'll write the ending of _Bermuda Triangle Trouble!_ where you get chocolate."

(I might do this, if I remember. If I don't... well, I still have this story. And I've been bribing all of them.)

"I'm in!" Martin exclaimed, taking a seat. "What are we doing?"

"Helping people get reviews!" I exclaimed. "On your fanfiction archive."

"What did I get myself into?" Martin asked.

"Nothing above teen," I promised. "Mainly for everyone. Now, shall we begin?"

* * *

 **1\. DON'T MAKE A MARY SUE!**

"What's wrong with people named Mary Sue?" Candice asked. "Knew a lovely girl. She was perfect. She could speak like 35 languages, too. Tall, thin, naturally blonde. Dyed her hair a lot. She was an expert athlete, too! All the guys liked her at her school. And she was captain of her smart-person team. She easily made A+'s and was the valedictorian of her class. She literally was a perfect girl. That girl hated nothing and no one. Oh! Did I mention that she could sing and dance very well, _plus_ play basically any instrument ever made?! She also looked older then she was. And had light lavender eyes. She was like a celebrity and had to wear sunglasses. And had a few prophecies and rumors that she was secretly a princess! AND, did I mention, super rich and immune to cold and heat?!"

Leilani, Chris, Martin and I were all laughing.

"NEVER!" I exclaimed. "That is _so_ not true. People hate Mary Sues unless they're just for the sole purpose of stupidity. Even then, we authors HATE them."

"Am I a Mary Sue?" Leilani asked.

"No, you're never nice to anyone, also you're not that into fashion, you don't go to school, you're immature and you honestly have no lack of common sense," I answered. "Kidding. But most of it's true. And no, Candice, you're not a Mary Sue either. You and Martin are soulmates- the immature, impulsive, kind of childish, crazy ones."

"Hey!" Martin exclaimed.

"Sorry. But once you forgot your own brother," I pointed out. "Who does that?!"

"Well, my suggestion is don't overpower characters," Chris suggested. "Candice, was Mary Sue a real person? That's crazy."

"She might have been from a dream, but whatever." Candice shrugged. "She was a little too perfect anyways. Next?"

 **2\. Summaries: Make them good or say you can't write them.**

"Most people can't write good summaries. Have you _SEEN_ the Selection fanfiction archive?!" Leilani shrieked. **(A/N It's her biggest fandom. Actually haven't checked it out yet.** **)**

"I sometimes had to write patient summaries at my old vet clinic, and my suggestions are: pick out the main points without giving away the ending. If you know how it ends, why read the book?" Candice asked. "For example, let's take that Bermuda Triangle story Jasmine's writing and write a good summary for it."

"Um..." Chris thought for a second. _"The Wild Kratts crew is just minding their own business when they stumble across the Bermuda Triangle, getting sucked into an alternate universe. They're confused at first, but then meet a woman who looks exactly like Candice, who reveals to be the alternate world's Candice. As they get deeper and deeper into their mystery, they learn that Zach rules and instantly volunteer to fight him. However, Zach attacks first, delivering a fatal blow to the Wild Kratts and Alternate Kratt team. As they slowly recover, one journeys out to sabotage Zach by themselves._ "

"That was good!" Martin exclaimed. "Use that, Jasmine!"

"Yeah, I've been typing it, it's too long. You have like a 343 character limit. I left off at _fight._ But that's really good."

"That's dumb," Candice added. "No one can write a good summary."

"Yeah, let's go with _I suck at summaries. Story is better,_ " Martin agreed.

"Or put the summary inside," Leilani suggested. "Or something like that. And mark it."

"You know, that's not bad." I smile. "Third rule!"

 **3\. Update!**

"Why this?" Chris asked.

"Stories that are the most frequently updated are at the top of the fanfiction archive," Leilani explained. "So people are more likely to see it."

"Simple enough, next?" Candice asked.

"Sure. But don't update every five seconds. That takes away the fun of begging the author- aka _moi_ \- to update, thus generating reviews."

 **4\. Review other stories!**

"Why again?" Martin asked.

"Think of it this way. Who would you remember more: some girl who walked by you once or a girl who talked to you once?" I asked.

"The girl who talked to me once. Or became my girlfriend," Martin answered, looking at Candice. "And then wife."

"Yeah, yeah, we're getting to love later." Leilani rolled her eyes. "Anyways, people get notifications about reviews."

"I read reviews of the vet clinic," Candice added. "Those people stood out more."

"Fair point," Chris nodded. "How many stories have you reviewed?"

"I don't know. I haven't counted," I answered. "I kinda do need to get on it. Also, I like reading other people's stories."

 **5\. Canon Pairings? Fan OTP's? NOTP's? All up to you. But...**

"But what?" Martin asked.

"Let's see what happens when we punch in Chris x Aviva pairings and Martin x Aviva pairings, then compare the first stories that come up." I answered, typing.

"Uh..." Martin looked over at Candice. "People ship me with Aviva? Um, seeming as me and Candice are _married-_ "

"Yeah, yeah, in my world you are. Would you rather do Pecabeth vs. Lukabeth?" I asked.

"Yes! Give me that thing!" Leilani exclaimed. "Percabeth: 2.3k. Or 2,300."

"Now... Lukabeth," I replied, clicking a bunch of buttons. "20."

"Well, that's a big difference!" Chris exclaimed.

"So, let's look at the reviews. Lukabeth, 33. And Percabeth, 73." Leilani raised an eyebrow. "Canon pairings pay off."

"Now, let's look at _non-canon_ pairings. How about... Solangelo and... uh... Reynico?" I suggested.

"I have no idea who they are, but okay." Martin shrugged.

"Solangelo is Will Solace and Nico di Angelo. Reynico is Reyna and Nico di Angelo," Candice answered. "Read the books."

"Also 20 for Reynico. First story has... 14 reviews," Chris looked at my computer screen.

"And Solangelo- which should be canon- has 550 stories. 18 reviews on the first one." Leilani looked up. "I need to read those."

"Later," I replied. "So. Ship the canon pairing. Or the fan favorite. You get reviews."

"What if you _don't_ do relationships?" Candice asked.

"Well, let's look at one of my favorite stories: _Must Prove_ by Jakaynne." I clicked the button on it. "9 chapters and 59 reviews. No pairings. Pretty much suits everything."

"Is that the one with the evil author who seems to not like me? And that Leia girl?" Martin asked.

"No..." I lied.

"I am so reading it." Leilani laughed.

"Don't," Chris warned. "Jakaynne does some mean things to me."

"All the more reason." Leilani smirked.

"I will too!" Candice exclaimed.

"Next!"

 **6\. WORD COUNT IS IMPORTANT!**

"Why?" Of course. But this time, it was Leilani.

"I don't want to read a 100-word story. Chances are, it's cruddy story with little to no detail. Unless it's poetry. That's not bad. You know those 5-page papers in English class? BE. DESCRIPTIVE!" Chris exclaimed. "But, if it's a trailer with 100 words, I'd read _that._ "

"But I also don't want to read something with 9k words in the first chapter," Candice added. "Too time-consuming. Unless it's _really_ good."

"So basically balance your word count?" Martin asked. "Like, 1k to 3-4k would be fine. Per chapter. Maybe even a little less."

"Or a one-shot. Those may be like 5k words, but again, _one-shot._ " I added.

 **7\. Don't lie, beg, whine, threaten or otherwise be annoying about it.**

"So don't be like _oh my god will you review?! Pleeeeeeease? With cherries on top?_ " Leilani asked.

"But the begging works on Aviva!" Martin pointed out.

"Yeah, we got Creature Powers like that!" Chris added.

"It's annoying!" Aviva exclaimed from wherever she was.

 **8\. Don't threaten someone unless you're Alternate Leilani. Then you get the right.**

"True," Leilani agreed. "She'd probably follow through with the threat!"

 **9\. gramer, CAPitilizashun and speling are AL IMPROTANT. also, profred so thers no typos. (Even if some do happen to slip by, minimize the number.)**

"That hurts my brain," Candice exclaimed.

"PROOFREAD YOUR WRITING, JASMINE!" Leilani pushed me a little.

"Spell check is my best friend," I muttered.

"Also, grammar check. If you have a word that's capitalized wrong I think it will tell you," Martin added.

 **10\. Apparently, you have an ENTER KEY! USE IT.**

"This annoys me _so_ much." Leilani groaned. "When authors don't hit the enter button to make a new line. I can even settle for single space instead of double space."

"People do that?" Candice asked.

"Apparently," Chris answered.

"Are we done? I want chocolate," Martin added.

"Fine. Good enough," I muttered. "Wait! One more!"

 **11\. REVIEW MY STORY OR I'LL SEND ALTERNATE LEILANI AFTER YOU!**

"Just kidding!" I laughed.

And so Jasmine gave Martin a chocolate bar to make him happy. Leilani laughed at the _Must Prove_ story when- ahh, shouldn't give spoilers. Candice went with Leilani to read _Must Prove._ And Martin... ate his chocolate.

Me?

I started asking for reviews on this story!

"REVIEW! Don't cha love me!? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?! I'll love you forever and ever because I'm a perfect Mary Sue!" "Also I haven't-"

"JASMINE!" Leilani exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" I hollered back.

"DON'T BE A BAD EXAMPLE!"

 _(we all know you should review.)_


End file.
